I have a beautiful, strong-willed daughter who needs me like crazy. She is vocal, volatile, funny, sweet. She is a daily challenge. There are times where I really have to remind myself to just "enjoy" the moment, whatever that moment is, because it's never coming again. Each minute is a fresh moment to build relationship with her, to pursue her heart, to help guide her, even at this young age. I pray often that I will be a good example to Madelyn, that I will shepherd her heart wisely. That she would see Christ in my life and love Him.
She's had a day that's definitely been out of her routine today. She's spent much of it in the car, hasn't had her normal naps, and is still a little congested. She had been eating peaches out of her mush spoon, and they'd wound up in her hair and everywhere else. I was desperately trying to entertain her and still find her Daddy's jersey to wash before tonight's game. The house is a mess, with tile and trowels and old bathroom drawers everywhere, to say nothing of the clutter that my husband and I (both naturally...uhm,....poor, let's say, at housekeeping) accumulate. My Dad called this morning and needed me to take him to the doctor, quite unexpectedly...and then to the bank...and then to the pharmacy...and then back home. It has definitely been a stressful sort of day. I was rocking back and forth, and she wouldn't quiet. I closed my eyes and started to pray silently, pleading with God to give me some kind of patience or something to deal with all of the things going on.
It was in that moment that I had my epiphany. Madelyn has never heard or really seen me pray. I've prayed so hard that I would be an example to my daughter--and my little girl on the way--and she's never seen/heard once of the most crucial things I could possibly show her! How can I later explain a relationship with Jesus to her, if she never sees me talk to Him? If I want to tell her that it's a daily walk, and a daily desire to know more about Him, and that knowing more means asking Him to show me more of Him, then how can I explain what looks like silence on my end away?
I felt dumbfounded, absolutely struck. After a moment or two of stunned contemplation, I decided that was a situation that needed to be rectified immediately. I pulled her back and looked into those big, teary blue eyes and apologized, whether she understands what I'm saying right now or not. Then, I explained how important it was that we talk to Jesus, the man I've been reading to her about and telling her about. Then, we had a prayer time that was so, so sweet and comforting to my soul. She lay quietly on my chest while I rocked and prayed with her and over her and for her. I explained after how important it was to worship God--to thank Him and sing to Him and tell Him what an incredibly cool God and Savior he was, so we sang He Who Is Mighty.
Thank God today for showing me an area I was definitely lacking, for having grace and mercy on me in that place, and for being the ultimate Parent and the ultimate Life-Guide and Partner.
((Sidenote: I'm super aware that these pictures have NOTHING to do with anything. I just like pictures in my posts lol.))